


Found & Lost

by Jeonghanscheekbones



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Chapters can be read separately, Coming Out, Fluff and Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, a lot of crying, cute and sappy, it’s just these two chapters and that’s it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:48:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27095311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jeonghanscheekbones/pseuds/Jeonghanscheekbones
Summary: Two love stories in one household.San discovers his feelings for his best friend, and struggles to accept it.Seonghwa's feelings had long since been accepted, but he'a too afraid of the repercussions if he confesses.San and Seonghwa promise each other to confess their feelings to their respective crushes.
Relationships: Choi San/Jung Wooyoung, Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa
Comments: 1
Kudos: 58





	1. Part 1

San knew when things changed. 

For the last year, he'd been going about his daily life as a rookie idol. Dance practice, vocal lessons, studio sessions, company meetings, concerts, and other things. The members of Ateez barely had time to breathe with all these things being thrown at them constantly.  
San lived with his members, in a 4 bedroom dorm. The same one they moved into when they became trainees.  
He shared a room with his best friend, Wooyoung.  
Wooyoung slept on the bottom bunk, and San slept on the top.  
But some nights, when they'd stay up late watching kdramas together, San would be too tired to climb up to his own bed.  
Wooyoung would fall asleep first, usually. His face relaxed, breathing steady, and hair strewn out across his pillow. 

One night, San found himself staring at the sleeping boy, taking in every single detail of his form.  
The soft moonlight flooded onto him so beautifully.  
The way his eyelashes cast a shadow onto his cheekbones.  
The way the lines in his forehead disappeared when his facial muscles relaxed.  
The way his plump lips parted slightly as steady breaths escaped his lungs.  
San wouldn't trade this for anything. The warmth under the blanket, the shared body heat, falling asleep with his arms wrapped around his best friend. Waking up together, in a tangle of limbs and bedsheets.  
He loved this. 

As a sudden realization hit him, butterflies buzzed inside San's stomach.  
San wanted to be close to Wooyoung, to fall asleep with him, to hear his heartbeat and feel his skin, and taste his lips.  
This was Wooyoung, the person San felt closer to than anyone. The person he confided in, and told everything to.  
And now he was feeling something for him that wasn't platonic, and that feeling was so strong that it shook him to his core; It hit him like an open-hand slap to the face. 

San had feelings for Wooyoung. 

He cupped at hand over his mouth, rolling over to face away from him and letting a few tears drip onto his pillow. His heart was beating out of his chest, his hands shook as he held onto the blanket. He shouldn't have been crying, he knew that, but he couldn't help it.  
This was wrong, all of it.  
San couldn't have feelings Wooyoung.  
He's an idol, he can't be in love with his band mate, with his best friend, with a man.  
If Wooyoung found out, he probably wouldn't want to be his best friend anymore.  
The group dynamic would be all messed up, and that would probably effect their popularity and stuff, and it would all be San's fault and the members wouldn't love him anymore and Ateez would disband and everyone's careers would be ruined and San would have no one left and it would all be because he had feelings for Wooyoung.  
All of this spiraled around in his head for probably 20 minutes while he laid there and stared at the wall; his best friend slept peacefully beside him the whole time. 

Long story short, San moved back to his own bed, and silently cried himself to sleep that night. 

-

6 weeks passed.  
San's feelings for Wooyoung flowed and grew like a parasite that festered inside him. Wooyoung's clingy nature and touchy moments made it absolute hell for San to pretend nothing was wrong. His heart swelled and ached when he saw Wooyoung smiling and laughing and lighting up the room with his infectious personality. The way Wooyoung could just effortlessly warm up any room. He was perfect. Just perfect.  
San wanted him so bad. 

He tried so hard not to make things weird, that he ended up making things weirder.  
' _Wooyoung is still my best friend. Nothing has to change,'_ he told himself that, but the reality was the opposite. He couldn't sleep in Wooyoung's bed anymore, or cook with him, or hold him, or do anything he loved to do with Wooyoung because it hurt too much to know that nothing would ever go further than just friendship. 

_'Maybe this will go away. Maybe it's just a phase,'_ he hoped, willing himself to slow his heart rate. They were on the way to Inkigayo station, and Wooyoung sat himself right next to San in the group minivan.  
That was fine.  
Wooyoung grabbed San's hand and started playing with his fingers.  
That was fine.  
Wooyoung rested his head on San's shoulder, his body heat spreading to San and making him blush.  
_'It's almost like he does this on purpose.'_

Once they arrived at the station, San clung to Hongjoong most of the time, which frankly wasn't out of the ordinary these days. He watched Wooyoung from afar, while trying not to make it obvious. 

The younger was simply playing around with Yeosang and Jongho, screaming along to an SNSD song or something. He smiled and his eyes turned into little crescent moons. His loud laugh practically reverberated through the room and found its way to everyone's ears. His cheeks dusted pink as he clung onto Yeosang tightly.  
He's so happy, and so beautiful. 

San's heart ached as he watched his best friend get all handsy with his Hyung. He wasn't jealous of Yeosang, but he just wished it were him Wooyoung was hugging instead. Ok, maybe he was a little jealous. 

He quickly diverted his gaze, turning his attention to Hongjoong. He clung onto the leader like a koala, "Hey Hyungie."

"Heyy, what's gotten into you?" Hongjoong asked, slightly confused but not annoyed. He dragged San over to the couch and they both sat down, "Feeling nervous about our performance?"

"Y-yeah," San answered quickly, taking the easy way out of the conversation, "A little." He couldn't help but steal another glance at Wooyoung anyway, but he played it off as scratching his ear.  
Wooyoung was still hugging Yeosang. 

This was going to be a long day. 

A while later all of the boys had to get their performance clothes on and get their hair and makeup done.  
San climbed out of the stylist's chair and checked his phone. They needed to be on stage in a few minutes. San was the last to get his makeup done and they were really pushing it by starting him that late.  
He put his phone away and started doing some stretches, twisting to limber himself up a little bit. 

"Sannie," a honey-sweet voice said from behind him, a gentle tap hitting his shoulder. 

San turned around, "Hey."

Wooyoung stepped close to him, "Your makeup looks good," and he smiled that breathtaking smile. 

San stepped back, "Yours too. Anyway, I'm just gonna stretch and get some water before we go up to the wings," he said shortly, walking away to grab his water bottle.  
He couldn't help but feel another pair of eyes on him, other than Wooyoung's. That suspicion was confined when he saw Seonghwa standing there to whiteness the exchange.  
He ignored both of them and just drank his water, trying hard to focus his thoughts on the performance and not on Wooyoung.

"You guys did great! I'm so proud of us! I can't believe we beat Stray Kids Sunbaenim in the countdown stage!" Hongjoong said as they walked back into their dressing room after their big win on Mcountdown. He held the trophy close to his chest tightly for a moment before handing it off to Mingi to play with. 

San was still focused on flying under the radar. He wished he could watch Wooyoung, since he knew the younger was probably overjoyed right now, but he couldn't. He stayed quiet, and kept his head down, and pretended everything was fine when Seonghwa's concerned gaze kept landing on him.  
It'd been happening a lot recently, and it terrified San.  
He knew, deep down, that Seonghwa knew what was going on. Seonghwa knew that San had been acting weird the last couple months, and he always looked like he wanted to say something, but he never did. 

Eventually they left to go home. The autumn air was crisp and cool as the boys exited the venue, hitting San's face and sending a chill through his body, making him glad he brought a heavy coat.  
The eight of them, and their manager, piled into the company van. San climbed to the very back and waited for the rest of the guys to get settled in too.  
Of course, Wooyoung sat next to him in the back. He disregarded the two empty seats and chose to squish in right next to him.  
San was too tired to fret about it, and he knew Wooyoung was too tired to notice anything weird. 

Normally, this was San's favorite thing. The ride home after an event. The neon lights lining the Seoul streets that turned into a hazy blur as San's eyelids became heavy. The sweet, natural silence in the van when half of the members were asleep and the other half weren't far off from it. 

San actually thought he was about to fall asleep until he felt a small, warm hand on top of his own. His eyes snapped open and he looked at Wooyoung and suddenly he was wide fucking awake. 

Wooyoung.  
Exhaustion sprinkled over his soft features, eyelids heavy, a gentle smile on his lips. The streetlights created a strobe effect on his face as the car moved. He leaned in close, holding San's hand as if it were made of glass, "We did good today, Sannie. I'm proud of us," he said in that silky voice of his, and it made San melt into puddy. 

San couldn't speak, he just nodded. He moved his thumb over the top of Wooyoung's hand, and maybe he leaned in a little closer. The ghost of Wooyoung's minty breath hit his face and he froze, knowing they were already too close for confort. His heart beat so hard he feared Wooyoung could hear it, "Yeah," he finally whispered, "We did well."

And then Wooyoung cupped San's cheek, and ran his fingers over the soft skin, "You always do well, Sannie. You're so amazing," 

San could've sworn he was dreaming. He had to be. Why would Wooyoung do this so suddenly? He couldn't help it when he felt himself moving closer, the draw of Wooyoung's warmth and scent hypnotizing him. He didn't know what was happening or why Wooyoung's wasn't moving away, and he half expected to wake up any second now. Then, the van stopped. 

"Alright guys, wake up! We're home!" Their manager said as he put the van into park. 

Then the heat was gone, because Wooyoung had gone back to his normal sitting position to unbuckle his seat, acting like nothing happened at all, and San was left to wonder if he was actually dreaming that whole time. 

Once back at the dorms, San tossed off his shoes and coat, going to the kitchen to get some food. Apparently, everyone else had the same idea. Next thing he knew, everyone was sitting around the living room, eating miscellaneous leftovers, and watching Tokyo Ghoul on tv.  
San didn't want this. He wanted to be alone; and right now, as he watched Wooyoung and Yeosang practically spooning on the couch, he _really_ wanted to be alone. The thought of what happened in the van earlier infuriated him even more. He was probably reading too much into things, but he could've sworn there's was a moment between them, and now Wooyoung is pretending nothing happened. 

He'd only eaten about two bites of his cold, two day old Mexican takeaway when he abruptly stood up and went to the kitchen to put it back in the fridge. He walked back through the living room, not even sparing a glance in Wooyoung's direction (no matter how much he desperately wanted to) and murmured a half-hearted "Goodnight," as he disappeared down the long hallway that put a significant distance between the bedrooms and the rest of the dorm. 

He went into the bathroom, locking the door behind himself and sliding down to lean against it with his knees to his chest. He was starting to freak out, he could feel it coming on. He didn't even know why, ok maybe he did. He couldn't stop it when his throat started to ache and tears threatened to form in his eyes. His thoughts were swirling with Wooyoung, and what Wooyoung said, and how Yeosang was hugging Wooyoung and touching him like he owned him and it made San's skin crawl to think about. San was mad. Of course he was. He was trying so hard to pretend that nothings wrong but it just wasn't working, _ohgodwhyareyousuchascrewup_ -

*knock knock knock*

San froze.  
He should've known better than to think that his behavior during dinner would go unnoticed. Someone followed him. 

"San?" Seonghwa asked, leaning up against the bathroom door and hitting it gently with his knuckles, "What's wrong?"

"N-nothing," the younger boy said all too quickly, standing up and staring at the door, "I'm fine," he blinked fast, his gaze flashing up to the ceiling a couple of times as he tried to keep those tears from falling. 

Seonghwa frowned, "You know you can talk to  
me about anything, right? No matter what it  
Is, I would never judge you," he said, knowing that San already knew that. It was the same thing he said any time one of his dongsaengs was upset, "Please, Sannie. Something is clearly upsetting you."

He couldn't take it any more. Maybe he'd feel better if he told someone, maybe it would help him, "If I t-tell you, you promise you won't tell anyone?" He asked, his voice cracking as he tried to hold back the tears that were fighting him for dominance. 

"I promise."

San opened the bathroom door, taking a slight step forward past the door frame. His vision started to get blurry, and his hands trembled as he held onto the doorknob.  
He stared up at his Hyung with glassy eyes, taking a slow, deep breath before speaking those dreadful words, "I'm in love with Wooyoung," he whispered, and then the dam broke. Tears started to flow out of him, and Seonghwa had to catch him before he fell apart. 

He sighed, holding the crying boy close and rubbing his back to soothe him, "Ok," he said, kissing the top of his head. He didn't say anything else, not yet. 

San didn't sob more than once or twice, he just held onto his Hyung and let the tears silently drip down his cheeks until he was able to recompose himself, "I..I love him, Hyung. The way I'm supposed to love a woman; Its wrong," he whimpered, pulling away from Seonghwa and looking up at him; he continued to hold onto his Hyung's shirt, keeping him close. He bit his lip to keep from crying some more, "I love him so much, it hurts."

"Look at me," the older began gently, cupping San's cheeks and wiping a stray tear away with his thumb, "There is nothing wrong with you for loving a man, ok? The fact that it's Wooyoung," he hesitated, "complicates things."

San nodded slightly, leaning into his hyung's touch. 

"You're not alone, Sannie," Seonghwa pulled him in to another hug, which the younger gladly excepted, "I feel the same way."

"You do? Who is it?" San whispered, resting his head on Seonghwa's shoulder.

Seonghwa sighed, gently dragging his fingers through San's hair, "A short boy with orange hair and a beautiful smile," he admitted sadly. 

Lifting his head, San looked up at him, swallowing thickly, "You're in love with Hongjoong Hyung?"

He just nodded, "Yeah."

They stayed like that for a minute or two, just holding onto each other in silence, until San fully stopped crying. Eventually, Seonghwa cleared his throat a little and spoke a bit, "So what are you going to do about your feelings for Wooyoung?" 

Sighing, San removed himself from his Hyung's arms, "Bottle everything up and never tell him and just live with that constant pain until I die?"

Drawing his lips into a thin frown, Seonghwa sighed, "You could do that, but I think it would cause you less pain in the long run to just tell him."

Eyes widening, San shook his head, "But what if he doesn't wanna be my best friend anymore and then the whole-"

"-Whole group dynamic gets messed up and in some crazy turn of events it makes the group disband and all of our careers are ruined and that's it?" He finished for him, "Yeah, I had that same thought when it came to telling Hongjoong. Don't think about that. I promise you, Wooyoung isn't going to stop being your best friend, even if he doesn't feel the same way. You guys will work things out. Platonic or not, Woosan are soulmates, right?"

San smiled sadly, "I'll tell him on one condition," he looked around to make sure no one was around, "You have to tell Hongjoong, too. That way, if everything gets ruined, it'll be both our faults," San wasn't sure why he felt so gung-ho about this suddenly, maybe it was cause he was tired.  
Seonghwa was right, he'd feel better in the long run if he just told Wooyoung how he felt.

"Deal." 

-

And next thing San knew, he was sitting on Wooyoung's bed, waiting for him to come back to their room for the night. He couldn't focus on anything, so he just stared at the wall. He was gonna do it tonight. After what happened in the car earlier than night, and what Seonghwa said, San decided that it was better to just rip the bandaid off.  
It was 11:45.  
He was wide awake. His stomach had the worlds most rowdy butterflies, and his head felt floaty. He hadn't been this nervous since their debut stage. 

The door creaked open, "Hey," Wooyoung said quietly as he shut the door behind him. He was wearing a big, black, BT21 tshirt and a pair of black shorts. His hair was damp, hanging messily around his bare face.  
"What are you doing?" He asked. 

San forced himself to look him in the eyes, "Nothing..uh, I was just waiting for you to get back from the-uh-the bathroom," he managed to say, mentally cursing himself for sounding so nervous. 

"Oh...okay," he sat down next to San, looking at him with kind eyes. He smelled fresh and clean, like coconut body wash and-well- Wooyoung, "I'm not ready to go to sleep yet. Do you wanna watch a tv show or something?"

"Uh yeah..yeah sure ok," he said, standing up while waiting for Wooyoung to get his laptop out. He turned off the lights. 

San watched him crawl into bed and pat the mattress, "You getting in or what?" He opened his laptop and pulled up YouTube. 

"Right, yeah," he got into bed next to Wooyoung, attempting to put as much space between them as possible on the twin sized mattress. 

Wooyoung noticed immediately, because of course he did, "What are you doing, you're practically falling off the bed. Get over here," he commanded softly, waiting for San to scoot closer to him, "Alright, I'm thinking Degrassi. How does that sound?" 

"F-fine, that's fine. Can we watch one of the later episodes?" He asked, noticing when Wooyoung scooted closer to him. 

Humming in reply, Wooyoung clicked on an episode.  
They watched in silence for probably 10 minutes. They used to do this all the time, before San started avoiding him like the plague. He missed this, this comfort he shared with Wooyoung.  
He found himself laying his head on Wooyoung's shoulder.  
' _This is ok,'_ he thought to himself, letting himself relax into the feeling of Wooyoung's soft exhale hitting his forehead, and his steady heartbeat thrumming against his ear. 

Another couple of minutes passed, and San got a little bit more brave (or stupid, whatever you want to call it), and felt around for Wooyoung's hand under the covers. He found it, and laced their fingers together. Wooyoung didn't pull away. 

' _Maybe this is enough_ ,' San thought. Being this close to Wooyoung, holding his hand. If he tried really hard, he could pretend that this was something more. He could pretend Wooyoung felt the same.  
But he couldn't do that forever. That was sad. He couldn't pretend his whole life. He promised Seonghwa he'd tell Wooyoung. He couldn't break his promise. 

Swallowing his pride, San reached up and paused the video, letting go of the younger's hand and quickly sitting up. He froze, staring at the wall as he took a deep breath. All of his nerves from earlier came rushing back. 

Wooyoung sat up too, closing his laptop and put it at the foot of the bed, he turned on his bedside land, flooding the room in soft, warm light, "What? What's wrong?" He put his hand on San's shoulder but older flinched away, "San?"

"Woo..uh..ok-um..I need to tell you something," he muttered, still refusing to look at him. He crossed his arms, curling in on himself. His stomach was doing cartwheels and he kinda wanted to disappear, "I don't really know how to tell you this."

Wooyoung moved to put himself in San's line of vision, "Sannie, you're scaring me. What is it?" He tried touching San again, humming softly when San didn't flinch again. 

He looked at Wooyoung, and his breath hitched.  
Wooyoung, his deep brown eyes, so kind and warm and beautiful. He felt a lump in his throat form, and his vision start to go blurry, "I..Wooyoung.." his voice broke. _Why was he crying?_ He didn't want to be crying. He took a deep breath, trying to clear his head, "I..um.." a few tears dripped down his cheeks and he was so humiliated because Wooyoung was watching him cry for no reason. His head throbbed and he felt Wooyoung's eyes burning a whole through him.

"Sannie, why are you crying?" Wooyoung was scared for him. He wiped a tear off San's cheek, letting his hand rest on the older's face, "Look at me. Please, whatever it is, you can tell me," and he spoke so calmly, so soothingly. 

Gulping hard, San wiped his eyes. He looked up at Wooyoung finally; he gave up and let the words just come out, "I love you, Wooyoung," it came out as a broken whimper, but at least he said it. Another wave of tears spilled down his cheeks and suddenly it felt like they were way too close, it was suffocating him. 

Tilting his head slightly to the side, "Ok, but what do you want to tell me?" He asked, still deeply concerned. He really didn't get it, did he?

San's mouth gaped open for a moment before he recomposed hinself, "I-what?" He felt the corner of his mouth turn up slightly, "Wooyoung, I love you," he said, a bit louder this time. 

"Yes, of course you do. We're best friends, this has been established. Now what did you want to tell me?" He asked again, starting to get antsy. He leaned in closer, _god why does he always do that?_

San's chest was pounding, and his eyes were still red with tears, and his body felt too light and too heavy at the same time and he did the only thing he could think to do in order to get his point across. He leaned in closer until his lips were touching Wooyoung's, squeezing his eyes shut. He didn't even have time to enjoy it because he pulled away before either of them could even register what just happened. 

Wooyoung just sat still without saying anything, his eyes as wide as saucers. 

"Wooyoungie, I love you. Not the same way I love Jongho, or Seonghwa Hyung, or Mingi. I love you the way I'm supposed to love a woman! I-I-I love you like in the way that I want to-uh-to be around you all the time, and fall asleep cuddling with you, and take you out on dates, and..and kiss you.." he paused, his cheeks flushing as he looked at Wooyoung's lips, "I love you in a I wanna be your boyfriend way." 

Wooyoung still didn't say anything. About 5 seconds passed, and he just looked at San and blinked a couple times. 

"Please say something, Wooyoungie," He whimpered, wiping his as a few more tears trickled down his cheeks. 

With a slight nod of his head, he spoke again, "Ok..Is this why you've been avoiding me for the last two months?" He said slowly. 

"Y-yes...has it been that obvious?" He couldn't help but let out a bittersweet laugh, "I was trying not make things weird but I guess..that didn't happen."

Wooyoung chuckled too, grabbing San's hand, "I'm relieved. I thought I did something to make you mad at me."

"Oh," San scratched the back of his head, looking at the wall, "No.. It certainly wasn't that..um..I'm sorry for kissing you."

Wooyoung shrugged, "Don't be. I kinda thought you were gonna do it in the car earlier," he said, changing his position so that he was fully facing San. He was so open and ok with this, and his little smile was so cute, and why is he so perfect? 

San found himself moving closer again, thankful that he'd stopped crying, "Did you want me to?" He lowered his voice, "Did you want me to kiss you in the car earlier?"

Wooyoung put his hand on the back of San's neck, pulling him until their foreheads were almost touching, "Maybe."

San bit his lip, "What if I did it now instead?" He whispered. 

Wooyoung other hand pulled on the front San's shirt, "Do it."

Without hesitation, San closed the distance between them, their lips pressed together. Wooyoung was ready for it this time, and he kissed him back just as passionately, pulling him closer by the neck. It was soft, and slow, and San's hands ended up clasped around Wooyoung's waist.  
Then they both pulled away, still holding onto each other. 

"I love you, Wooyoung," he breathed heavily, smiling at his best friend. But as he watched Wooyoung for a couple seconds, and heard no response from him, his smile fell, "I..shouldn't expect you to say it back..but we still need to talk about it."

Wooyoung sat up a little straighter, still holding onto the older, "Sannie, You know I love you in a best friend way, right?" He waited for San to nod, "But recently, I think I've starting to be thinking about you in more of a..romantic way. Because I want to kiss you, and take you on dates and stuff too. You're so beautiful, and giving, and selfless, and strong, and amazing," he leaned in and gave San a gentle kiss on the lips, "You're my favorite person," he whispered, "I really like you a lot."

San's heart was soaring, fireworks exploded in his head when he processed Wooyoung's words. ' _He feels the same way, he actually feels the same way'_  
"Do you want to try being not-platonic together?" He asked quietly, internally cringing at how weird that sounded, "I mean..Would you-uh- do you want to be my boyfriend, Wooyoungie?"

"Yes, I would, very much," He said simply, grabbing the front of his shirt and kissing him again. It was more chaste this time, faster and just enough to leave both of them wanting more. 

San pulled Wooyoung close to him, like a half-hug and half-cuddle. He missed being able to manhandle him like this. He'd been so distant lately and apparently became touch starved, "Ok boyfriend, do you want to go to bed now?"

"Sure, boyfriend," Wooyoung responded, a little surprised by San's sudden affection. Suddenly, his expression changed, "Wait, San."

"Yeah?"

"How long..have you been feeling like this?" He asked, his tone going serious again, "When did you realize?"

"About a month and a half ago. Why?"

He nodded slowly, "Was that the night we fell asleep in my bed but you got up in the middle of the night and went back to your bed?" He asked as the both crawled under the covers and laid down to go to sleep. He turned off his nightlight, allowing the room to become pitch black again. 

San gulped, eyes downcast, "Yeah," he sighed, staring up at the bottom of the top bunk as his head hit the pillow.  
He suddenly felt a comforting hand on his tummy. 

"I hope you know that there's nothing you could ever do to make me stop being your best friend, right?" He assured, pouting cutely. He nipped at the fabric of San's tshirt with his index finger and thumb. 

San smirked a little bit, "Even if I commit mass murder?" He pulled himself closer to Wooyoung, pressing his lips against the younger's jaw. 

"Ok, almost anything."

"That's what I thought," he whispered, planting another kiss onto Wooyoung's cheek, "Look at me." 

Wooyoung turned his head so they were basically nose to nose. San closed the space between them, their lips connecting, moving together in a slow rhythm for a couple of seconds before they pulled away, "I love you, Jung Wooyoung."

Smiling, Wooyoung nodded slightly, "I like you very, very much, Choi San."

And that was enough for San. Knowing that Wooyoung felt the way he did, and wanted the same things he did, was enough. Knowing that one day, down the road, Wooyoung's feelings for San could grow and evolve into love; that's enough for him. 

On that day, Woosan got their happily ever after.  
But in that very same dorm, a different love story was afoot, one that goes quite a bit differently than this one.  
To Be Continued...


	2. Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuative of the last part, but this time it centers around Seonghwa and Hongjoong

Seonghwa knew he'd gotten himself in deep shit when he promised San that he'd tell Hongjoong about his feelings.   
It's not like he never planned on it, but he was waiting for the right time. 

He couldn't pinpoint when exactly things started.   
Maybe it was those nights when they were trainees, when he would stay up late and wait for Hongjoong to come home, worried sick until he knew the younger was safe. 

Maybe it was when Hongjoong invited Seonghwa into his studio to keep him company. Hongjoong frantically scribbled lyrics into a notebook in a haze of panic, calming down only when Seonghwa ran his fingers through his hair and reminded him to take a breather. 

Maybe it was when Hongjoong played Seonghwa the song he wrote for him, Thank U, it was called. In the sleepy, 2am haze they were in as they sat on their bedroom floor listening to it; Seonghwa couldn't help the tears that dripped down his cheeks as he hugged Hongjoong and told him how much he loved it.

And now here Seonghwa was, the night after their big win on Mcountdown, and he promised San that he'd tell Hongjoong how he felt. That promise was made on a whim, mostly to get San to stop crying, but now he's realizing that he has to actually follow through with it. 

He sat on his bed, shaky hands clasped in his lap. The room suddenly felt too cold, sending shivers down his spine. He knew Hongjoong had returned from the bathroom when he heard the door creak open. Looking in that direction, he blinked a few times, "Hey," he greeted, watching as the younger male closed the door and looked up at him. 

An oversized white tshirt hung loosely off his slender frame, his minion-printed pajama shorts peaking out from underneath, "Whatcha Doing?" He asked, a little too loudly. He walked over to Seonghwa's bed and down next to him. 

"Just..sitting here.?" he sighed, smiling tiredly. 

Hongjoong tilted his head to the side slightly, "Oh good, ok so what do you wanna do?" he smiled as he grabbed Seonghwa's arm, "We could play video games, or watch a movie, or write a new song, or-"

"Hongjoong, it's 1am." Seonghwa cut him off. 

This happened every time they won a music show. Hongjoong always got a massive post-win adrenaline rush that kept him up half the night. Despite his body being exhausted, his mind was racing at 100mph. 

"I think we should go to sleep," Seonghwa continued, trying to ignore the puppydog eyes Hongjoong was giving him, "We have a meeting tomorrow morning, please Joong," he groaned, pouting cutely. 

Taking a couple seconds to think it over, Hongjoong agreed, "Ok, but can I sleep here tonight? I want to cuddle," he commanded, in a tone that sounded all too casual. 

Seonghwa simply hummed in agreement. It wasn't the first time the younger had asked for this. In fact, Hongjoong probably slept in Seonghwa's bed once every couple weeks, on average. It didn't used to be that much, but it's been happening more and more lately. 

Pulling back the covers and letting Hongjoong get comfortable, he turned off the bedroom light and climbed into bed. It took less than a minute for Hongjoong to cling onto Seonghwa like a koala. Of course, Seonghwa just let him, relaxing into the touch and trying to fall asleep. It was safe to say that he'd given up on trying to tell Hongjoong how he felt at this point. That would have to wait until tomorrow. 

Pushing his face into the crook of Seonghwa's neck, Hongjoong let out a low hum, "Hm, you smell good."

He ran his fingers through Hongjoong's hair, "I used some of Mingi's Vanilla Sugar body lotion after I showered. Good, right?"

"Yeah," he sighed, and his warm breath ghosted over Seonghwa's skin, "Do you taste good too?" He whispered, lips pressed gently to Seonghwa's neck. 

"I dunno, maybe," he replied, holding him a little tighter and trying to convince himself that this was a normal thing for someone to say to their best friend. 

Then he felt Hongjoong give him a little kitten lick, leaving the cool air to hit the now wet spot on his neck.   
Seonghwa froze, wondering if he was imagining it, but then he felt it again. Hongjoong licked him, again.  
"What the fuck are you doing?" He asked, intending for it to sound playful, but it came out kinda harsh. 

Stopping what he was doing, Hongjoong drew in a shallow breath, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry.. I thought,,I dunno, did you not like that? Uh, I'm sorry.." he blurted out, looking up at him. 

_'This is just post-win adrenaline Hongjoong. It's harmless and it's fine,_ ' he tried to convince himself, taking a shallow breath, "No..I-uh-I do like it. You can..keep doing it if you want." He said quietly and slowly, still running his fingers through the younger's hair. 

Then Seonghwa felt the third lick on his neck, "Good boy," he heard himself whisper, and it was _not_ purposeful. He didn't know where that came from, but Hongjoong didn't seem to have a problem with it, so he just sighed and closed his eyes. 

The kitten licks soon turned into butterfly kisses, Hongjoong's lips ghosting over Seonghwa's skin, giving the occasional kiss. Up and down his neck, nipping at his jawline. The kisses got sloppier, and harder.   
Next thing Seonghwa knew, the younger was sucking and biting on his neck. He couldn't deny that it felt good; Hongjoong's mouth and teeth up against Seonghwa's sensitive pulse point. If it went on any longer, he might've accidentally moaned or something. 

"Hm, you do taste good," Hongjoong said finally, once he was done. He scooted down in the bed so he could cuddle up to Seonghwa properly, "I think I am tired now, actually. Goodnight, Hwa." 

Seonghwa was surprised at how quickly Hongjoong shifted gears. Sucking his neck one minute, falling asleep the next. Shrugging it off, he hummed lightly, "Goodnight, Joongie."

He wasn't about to question Hongjoong's motives, not at 1am, and not when he was this tired. It'd have to wait until tomorrow. Closing his eyes, his lip twitched into a small  
Smile. Slowly, his thoughts started to fade away and sleep overtook him. 

' _It's cold in here_ ,' was Seonghwa's first waking thought the next morning. He curled up into a ball, goosebumps prickling over his arms. He opened his eyes, squinting at the sunlight that was coming into the room. He'd guess it was at least 7:00am, thankfully they didn't have to be at the KQ building until 9:00.

Rolling over, he saw that Hongjoong was still fast asleep next to him, and he was hogging all of the blanket. He looked so cute, Seonghwa thought, curled up under the covers with only his head sticking out. He looked so peaceful  
when he slept, it was the only time when he didn't look incredibly stressed out.   
Seonghwa tried to ignore the way his cheeks felt a little warm when he stared at his sleeping best friend. He climbed got out of bed, careful not to be wake Hongjoong up, and went to his dresser to get a sweatshirt. He grabbed his favorite oversized, black hoodie and slipped it on, putting the hood over his head. 

He looked at Hongjoong's sleeping form again, sighing as he thought about the fact that he needed to confess to him today, "Why do you have to be so loveable, Kim Hongjoong?" He whispered, closing the door behind him as he left the room.

"Good morning, Hyung," Yeosang greeted once Seonghwa walked into the living room. He was in the kitchen with Yunho, and they appeared to be making breakfast. 

Seonghwa went into the kitchen, going straight for the coffee pot on the counter and pouring himself a mug, "Morning," he said, "Did you guys just wake up?"

"I've been up for an hour," Yunho said.

Yeosang sat at the kitchen table with his bowl of cereal, "I just got up a little bit ago."

A creak in the floorboards drew everyone's attention to the hallway, where San was approaching the living room. His hair stuck up in all directions, and he was still in his pajamas, "Mooorning," he sang cutely. 

"Morning, San," Yeosang greeted. 

"Sleep well, hun?" Seonghwa watched San carefully, looking for any signs that things didn't go well for him last night, but he didn't see any of that. 

Sitting down at the table next to Yeosang, he smiled, "Yes, I slept insurmountably well, Hyung, how about you?" He wiggled his eyebrows, "Did you have a good night's sleep?"

' _Jesus dude, way to be subtle.'_

"Yeah..uh, fine I guess. Not..anything special..happened..of anything," it was like verbal diarrhea, the words just kept coming out, "So anyway, how about that big win last night, huh?" Seunghwa ended up saying in an attempt to change the subject. 

Yeosang and Yunho just exchanged looks before Yeosang said something, "You two are being so weird and it's still so early in the morning. I'm leaving," he sighed, walking out of the kitchen with Yunho following him. 

"Alright, did you do it?" San asked the moment those two were out of earshot, "Did you confess?"

Walking over to the kitchen table and taking a seat next to him, Seonghwa let out a labored sigh, "No, I'm a fucking pussy," he groaned, pulling his hood off and running his fingers through his hair. 

San's eyes went wide almost immediately, the look of shock quickly turning into a knowing smirk, "Oh really? You didn't tell him how you feel?" 

"I didn't."

"Then what's that then?" He was now smiling evilly, pointing at Seonghwa's neck. 

Seonghwa, not being able to see his own neck, was very confused by that, "San, what the hell are you talking about?"

The younger boy took out his phone, and snapped a picture of Seonghwa's neck. Then, he showed him the picture, "See?"

On the side of Seonghwa's neck, was a reddish-purplish bruise, one that could very obviously only be one thing, "Oh..," he reached up and felt the bruised spot, "Hongjoong gave me a hickey."

"You say that like you didn't know."

"I didn't," he shrugged, "I mean..he was licking and kissing my neck last night.."

"And you still didn't tell him you like him?! Dude, he's so into you!" San whined, crossing his arms. 

Seonghwa sighed, putting his hands up defensively, "I know that, it's just that I don't know what will happen if we start-"

"Hyung you promised me you'd tell him."

"I know," he looked around the room, "I'll do it today, ok?"

"Ok."

"So how'd it go with Wooyoung?" 

San smiled, his ears turning red, "Pretty good...We're boyfriends now."

"Congratulations! Hopefully things can work out that way with Hongjoong and I."

"What will work out with Hongjoong and you?" Mingi asked as he walked into the kitchen. 

Eyes widening, Seonghwa blanched, "Nothing."

The younger boy smiled awkwardly, raising his eyebrows, "Uh..alright.?"

It was 6pm, and Seonghwa found himself standing in front of Hongjoong's studio door with two Starbucks coffees in his hands. His stomach was full of butterflies, and his heart was beating really hard. He gulped, hitting the door with his knuckles a couple of times. 

"Come in!" A melodious voice called, and Seonghwa obeyed it. 

He closed the door behind him, immediately noticing how much warmer the cramped studio was than the hallway. The lights were off, the room being illuminated by Hongjoong's computer screen. 

He wheeled his chair around to face Seonghwa, taking off his headphones, "Hey," he greeted sweetly, smiling up at him. 

"I brought you some coffee," the words came out quiet and void of emotion. He couldn't look him in the eyes at first. 

"Thanks," he took one of the cups, setting it on his desk as he stood up, "What's up?"

Trying to ignore his fears, Seonghwa looked him in the eyes, "Uh..you've been huddled up in here all day without any sunlight. Why don't we take a walk and have the coffee when we come back?" He asked, hoping he didn't sound suspicious or anything. He watched Hongjoong's expression change as he mulled over the request. 

"Ok," he said simply as he grabbed his phone and stuffed it into his pocket, "Let's go."

They walked through the building in silence, the cool breeze hitting them as they went outside.   
Seonghwa glanced over at Hongjoong periodically, waiting for the right time to tell him.   
The sun was beginning to set, making the sky bleed out into a pinkish orange shade.

"It's cold," Hongjoong whispered, crossing his arms. 

Seonghwa looked at him again, realizing that Hongjoong was only wearing a tshirt, while he was wearing a hoodie, "Here, take my sweatshirt-"

"No no, I'm fine." He insisted, shaking his head. 

Seonghwa just hummed in response, and they walked in silence for another few moments. His heart was beating so fast, and he was considering chickening out,but he couldn't break his promise to San. He had to tell him today.   
It was at this point that he realized they were walking by the park, which was the perfect place to confess to someone. He grabbed Hongjoong's hand, "Hey, do you want to go to the park?"

"Uh..sure?" 

Seonghwa pulled him across the street and into the park. The walking path was under a canopy of trees who's leaves were turning all shades of orange and red. Hongjoong looked around with a gleam of wonder in his eyes, "This is pretty," He pointed out, lacing his fingers with Seonghwa's.

"Yeah.." Seonghwa sighed, looking at him. His heart thumped hard when he took in how breathtakingly beautiful Hongjoong is, "Very pretty," he whispered, and it almost hurt.   
"Hongjoong," he said at full volume, blinking quickly a few times. 

"Yeah?" And he made that perfect smile, plump lips turning upwards as crows feet formed around his eyes. 

"Do you want to sit on the bench over there?" He pointed to the nearby bench under one of the trees. 

It was dark enough for the streetlights to come on. The park was almost empty.   
They sat on the bench, still holding hands.   
Seonghwa thought he might pass out. He was gonna do it, he was actually going to tell him. 

"Hongjoong."

"Yeah?" 

"I need to tell you something," his voice was raspy, and he looked at Hongjoong in a way that almost called for help, "Its important."

Hongjoong scooted close to him. Too close. Their thighs were touching and Hongjoong was barely a breath away, but his expression was open and nonjudgmental, "You can tell me anything. What's wrong?"

Seonghwa lowered his gaze, holding Hongjoong's hand in both of his, letting his thumb rub over his small fingers, "I-um.." he looked back up at him, deciding to just rip the bandaid off, "Joong..I like you. I like you in a way that's not..entirely platonic."

Hongjoong was silent. 

"Not platonic at all actually. I have feelings for you, Hongjoong," he continued, his vision going blurry, "I think you knew that already but I didn't tell you because I didn't want to ruin anything..For the sake of the g-group.."

He felt Hongjoong pull his hand away, and for a second, Seonghwa thought he'd made a horrible mistake.   
He closed his eyes and let the tears drip down his cheeks, "I'm sorry, Joong." He whispered, 

Then he felt arms wrap around him tightly, and he relaxed into the touch, "Please don't cry," Hongjoong pleaded softly, his voice weak as if he'd gotten the wind knocked out of him. He ran his fingers through Seonghwa's hair and held onto him. His embrace was so warm, shielding Seonghwa from the chilly air. 

He buried his face into Hongjoong's shoulder, fingers grasping at his tshirt, "Ok," he just said, trying to get himself to stop crying. He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly, "You're my best friend, I don't want to-t-to lose you." 

Pulling away, Hongjoong cupped Seonghwa's cheeks, wiping away the tears with his thumb, "Hwa," he smiled so sweetly, "I really like you too, you know I do."

"Yeah, I kinda..I guess I kind of knew that," biting his lip, Seonghwa nodded. 

"Then why are you crying?"

"I don't know." He sniffled, "But..we can't date or anything..the group..the company..it's not a good idea.." 

Hongjoong grabbed Seonghwa's hands, "Who says that?"

"Well, I don't..uh-"

"Seonghwa, it'll be hard but we can make this work. We're a team, we can do this!" He urged the older boy, bringing Seonghwa's hand up to his lips and kissing it. He lowered his tone, looking at the ground, "Please, can we try?"

Pulling his hand away, Seonghwa leaned in closer, tilting Hongjoong's chin up so he could look him in the eyes, "Yes, we can" He breathed, gently grabbing the front of Hongjoong's shirt, "We can try," Their noses were nearly touching, and the sky was getting darker. 

Hongjoong looked at Seonghwa's lips, gulping, "Can I..Can I kiss you, please?” He asked, his voice low. 

Letting his eyes flutter shut, Seonghwa whispered a "Yes," before pulling Hongjoong to him. They kissed slowly and timidly, lips brushing against each other in hesitant pecks, they both pulled away after a couple of seconds.   
Seonghwa thought he might start sweating, even in the chilly air. Hongjoong's touch was so warm, and his mouth was soft and tasted vaguely of eucalyptus lip balm.   
He sat up straight, eyes trained on Hongjoong, "You taste good too.”

' _You taste good too?! All of the things you couldn't said and THAT's what you picked?!_ ' Seonghwa's inner monologue yelled at him, "I mean, uh, that felt good," he tried to recover. 

Hongjoong just chuckled, his laughter sounding like calls from an angel, "You also taste good. You always do," he whispered, leaning closer to Seonghwa, "I wanna taste you again.”

Not being able to say no to such a cute gesture, Seonghwa kissed him again, more confidently this time in the way he pressed his lips to the younger’s and kept them there for a couple seconds, "Do you want to head back to the studio. Those coffees are getting cold," he asked, grabbing Hongjoong's hand, waiting for the other to agree before standing up. 

The walked out of the part together holding hands, and Seonghwa couldn't have been more thrilled, "So what are we now? Are we dating? Boyfriends? Complicated?" The words seemed to slip out of his mouth with no input from his brain.

Running his thumb over the top of Seonghwa's hand, Hongjoong thought on it for a moment, "How about boyfriends?"

 _Boyfriends?_ The thought made Seonghwams heart race. He'd hardly ever thought Hongjoong would want to ever be in a relationship with him, and now suddenly he wants to be his boyfriend? It seemed really fast, but it felt right. Everything in Seonghwa's gut was telling him to go for it, "Ok," he breathed, looking at Hongjoong, trying to memorize every detail of his face, "We're  
Boyfriends."

Leaning In closer, the two kissed again. Chaste and light, but years of emotion packed behind it, "I look forward to our future together."

_In the end, the Ateez dorm had two new couples living under their roof, with hopefully no more to come. A new beginning for everyone, perhaps, and a happily ever after fit for a fairytail._


End file.
